Nighty, Night

It's 6:45pm. You rub your eyes furiously. You fidget while I put your night-time diaper on. I give you a toy to distract you for a few seconds and it illicits a short smile. You whimper. You are tired. It's bedtime.

You're awake when you begin nursing. Sometimes you play with my hair or slap your legs with your hands. Or you show how you can multi-task by nursing and kicking your legs. Five minutes later, you slow down. Your eyes shut. Your arms, hands and legs get relaxed. I rub your arms, legs and back. You are comfortable, relaxed and drifting off. You are so sweet.

You finish nursing one side, so I sit you up to burp you. You whimper because you'd rather be laying on your back, sleeping. You barely have enough strength to hold your head, so it rolls to the side. You're so tired that I need to hold you up so you don't fall over. A burp escapes, so I lower you to the other side to nurse. You eagerly start to nurse again as if to say, "Can I finish nursing so I can go to sleep?"

Eight minutes later and you've stopped nursing. You've fallen asleep, but you're still latched on. I look at you for a few minutes. You're cuddled up against me and you're softly breathing into dreamland. So sweet, so gentle and so completely trusting. Can we sit like this for a few more hours?

While you're still sleeping, I pull you to my shoulder to get a burp out from you. You stir, a little out of sorts because you've been sleeping. Your head drops to nestle your cheek on my shoulder. I pat your back till you give up a burp. You've drifted off to sleep again. Your arms and legs are completely relaxed and limp. Your breathing is soft and sleepy, right in my ear. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. I rock you back and forth as I stand in your nursery. I look in the mirror. Do I really have this sweet, adorable baby in my arms with his cheek on my shoulder and soft, sleepy breathing in my ear?

Can we stand like this for a few more hours?