Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Waited for a husband & a job, waiting to be a SAHM

The point behind this post is about how I waited for my husband and a job. Now, I wait to be a SAHM.

Like Kelly at Kelly's Korner and her blogger friend Amy, I wanted to get my 'CLICK' moments down on paper. It's how I'm getting real about how God is in control of my life in these areas for two reasons: 1) as a reminder to myself during this waiting mode, and 2) to encourage others.

Waiting to get married:
I married Jason when I was 28, which at the time seemed SO OLD and LATE. My joy to be married to Jason was (and is!) overwhelming. He is exactly the man that God wanted me to wait for. Boy, am I glad I did! There were no reservations, only a fulfilled and long-awaited joy. I still receive blessings for waiting.

What I wish people said to me then:
1) You are exactly where God wants you to be right now.
2) I am proud of who you are – not what you do or what your “status” is.
3) Your job right now is to bloom where you’re planted. Tell me about your job, hobbies or your involvement in church. (Stay away from asking if I'm dating anyone.)
4) I’m not going to lie and promise that you will find a husband because that’s the desire of your heart.

What I wish people hadn't kept repeating over and over:
“Just wait, God will give you the desires of your heart.” I desired to meet a godly man that would be God’s chosen husband for me, get married and start a family. Those were great, noble desires, right? So, why did God not bring them when I really wanted them? Sometimes I felt like that Bible passage was taken out of context. I didn’t want my waiting experience to reduce my view of God that He was a genie in a bottle. I believed that God enjoyed giving gifts to His children, but it was hard when I saw that He was giving those gifts to my friends and not me. For a few years, I dated a handful of potential men, but something didn’t feel right and I knew the Holy Spirit was leading me to move on.

“You’re such a quality, beautiful Christian woman that I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until you meet the right one”. So, as time went on, did that mean I wasn’t a quality Christian?

Why I’m glad God brought my DH and my baby son into my life when He did:
1) I learned tangible ways of waiting on God and how to deal with disappointment early in my life.

2) I have experiences and memories that I may not have been able to have if I had married at a young age:
- I’ve traveled around the world, lived in another country and have friends in other countries. Sure, I may have been able to do these things after my kids are off in college, but maybe I will not have the money then I'd rather use our money to help send the kids to college or be around to help aging parents. If I'm really honest, at 20 years old, I was more physically able to climb Long's Peak instead of waiting to be 48 years old and maybe not as physically able to climb Long's Peak (or have the desire to!).
- I’ve been a bridesmaid in 14 weddings. Who can say that other than Katherine Heigl in 27 dressses? If I were married, I may not have had the money to buy those dresses or time to be in those weddings!

3) There is SO. MUCH. MORE. JOY. in experiencing a long-awaited gift.

4) I've been told by other younger women that I've been an encouragement to them as they wait for their own husbands.

Waiting for a job after being laid off two times:
The first time I was laid off from a dream job, I immediately drove over to my husband's office and had a good cry - well, a few days of a good cry. The second time I was laid off, I immediately drove to my favorite coffee shop and enjoyed a nice fall afternoon.

I tried to speculate God's reason for letting me lose my job both situations. At the time, I couldn't see the reason. I have come to see that my next positions enabled certain things to benefit my future situation. I believe God orchestrated those positions for those times. Let me explain...

Layoff #1: Two months after being laid off, I found a position at a company that would later prove to be super flexible with me 6 months later when my father-in-law was diagnosed with stage-4 glioblastoma brain cancer. My boss let me work from my laptop at my in-laws' home most days of the week so my husband and I could be close to his dad and mom. They let me have quite a few days off, no questions asked, as we had many hospital visits. My previous job involved a lot of travel, so it would have been very stressful to travel a lot and be gone from my father-in-law and be a support to my husband. When my father-in-law passed away, I was given extra bereavement days off.

Layoff #2: A few months after my father-in-law passed away, I was laid off from that position and two months later, I found a position at my current company. This job has provided excellent health insurance for a major brain surgery that my husband unexpectedly went through in August 2009. He had trigeminal neuralgia, which is chronic pain that felt like a bolt of lightning through his jaw and head. He underwent a very successful microvascular decompression surgery and had no complications or regressions whatsoever.

Going through these layoffs has benefited me in these ways:
1) It has helped me to not rely on my employer, but God as my provider.
2) There is no guarantee that for any job loss in the future, I will always find a job within a month or two.
3) I can take advantage of being off from work by doing special things I couldn't do while working: taking walks in the middle of the day on gorgeous days and having coffee with a friend in the middle of the day.

These experiences are now helping me in my current period of waiting. I'm waiting to be a stay at home mom to our baby boy. My heart longs to be home solely nurturing Seth, teaching him and helping him grow, while taking care of our home. I feel like it's what I'm meant to do. But it's not that easy for me to just quit my current marketing job because I am the sole income provider in our family.

Jason took a step of faith and quit the mortgage industry last June when he felt like he was being led by God to pursue something else that would allow him to be the sole income provider. He is now exploring new career options and trekking on the job search trail. I am so. very. proud. of my husband to do something bold like this. He has organized our financial situation so we don't debt except for our mortgage while we wait for his job.

I can see that my current job is needed because it provides the income we need to pay for our mortgage and living expenses, so Jason can find the right job to provide for our family.

And, yet.....I still struggle to wait. I ask the same questions that I asked when I was waiting to meet Jason: why would I have such a noble desire, but God has not brought it to fruition? Am I disobedient to God's calling for a mother if I have to work while Jason waits for his job?

So, despite the fact that I've experienced many blessings from waiting, I'm still learning the value of waiting for God to bring about His plan for us.

My beautiful rewards for waiting.:)


  1. 18 weddings right here!!! Before I got married at 32 I was certain I'd awlays be Always A Bridesmaid!

  2. I came over from Amy's Getting Real blog and wow, I really could relate to a lot of what you said! The verse you mentioned about God giving us the desire of our hearts - I love what you said about people taking it out of context and how you struggled with the truths that verse has to offer us. I've had some of the same questions myself about God's timing in when He grants me the desires of my heart.

    My story is and will be different from yours, but after stepping out in faith and quitting my job and risking that things could be different, they are. And it's nothing short of miraculous and I see God's handiwork all over those circumstances.

    I'm sure in His beautiful time, this too will come to fruition and will be something you look back on as well. Take heart in the waiting. He who starts a good work is faithful to complete it. (o: